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I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE
one song to the tune of another - explained

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peanut analogy
That title is largely self explanatory but just to clarify the modus operandi it might be helpful to imagine songs to be peanuts. The tunes are analogous to the shells that carry the peanuts, or words. The shells can be opened up and the peanuts, or words, removed. Now I know exactly what you are thinking. Are there not health hazards associated with peanuts? Well spotted, cos in certain circumstances peanuts, or words, can cause an allergic reaction, or stick in the throat. Words such as Colin Sell at the piano.

pig analogy
If you think about it a song is just like a prized pig. The pig represents the lyrics which you keep in a pen or tune. After a while you may have to send the pig into the abattoir and replace it with another pig, or literally sing one song to the tune of another. Certain celebrity chefs have actually taken to keeping classic breeds, such as Tamworth or Gloucester Old Spot, as family pets before consigning them to the abattoir. Speaking of the slaughter of much loved classics, at the piano Colin Sell.

pot of tea analogy
The teams sing the words of one song to the tune of another song. It is a bit like making a pot of tea. The hot water represents the tune in which are immersed the leaves, or words. However, different leaves, or words, may be used such as Earl Grey or English Breakfast but with the same water, or tune. Now, I know what you are thinking, when you pour the tea from the spout don’t you find there is a persistent annoying little drip? At the piano we have Colin Sell.

power drill analogy
Although you might think that title was obvious enough, from the look of abject bewilderment in the teams eyes that a simpler explanation should be provided. A song operates on a very similar level to a power drill. The machine itself represent the tune carrying the lyrics, or drill bit, in its chuck. The drill bits, or words, can be removed and replaced by different drill bits for different jobs. Now I know what you are thinking - do we need hammer action and vary speed facilities? Well that’s not important, although the Black and Decker KD960 model is a good one for general use. However, with health and safety very much in mind you should wear both ear defenders and eye protection, because there will be irritating pollutants filling the air. That’s right, piano accompaniment is provided by Colin Sell.

price label swapping analogy
This is where the teams take a selection of songs and swap the tunes around, so I suppose it’s a bit like swapping the price labels on items found in shops before taking them to the check-out with the intention of paying a lower price. This isn’t a practice I am recommending of course. I suppose that technically it might be construed as illegal, although if by some chance a cheaper price label did become detached for some reason and you were to innocently to put it back on a more expensive item without realising that the latest state of the art DVD player costs rather more than £2.99, then that would be an easy mistake to make.

Besides, how would anyone know that the in-store Closed Circuit TV camera was trained on them? If fingers are going to be pointed and accusations of attempted fraud banded about, what about those sneaks that secretly filmed you in the first place? How do they sleep at night knowing that they spent their so called working day like some professional peeping-tom? And what kind of job is that anyway? Some brain dead time-server sitting all day staring blankly at a piece of equipment the workings of which he can barely understand. Perhaps we will get some insight when we hear Colin Sell at the piano.

product packaging analogy
You may to care to think of a tune as being like a large cardboard box containing a newly bought consumer item which represents, so obviously, the words. Imagine you take the item out of the box, it doesn’t matter what it is - say a video recorder or a DAB radio perhaps (whatever that is). And if it were a DAB radio, which is unlikely as it is no good the BBC telling me I have to shell out £300 on a fancy wireless set just so I can get their so called new channels churning out 40-year old shows (I can get all the repeats I want on LW - that is when it is not non-stop cricket reports of England being thrashed by every emergent nation).

Having removed the radio, you could replace it with something different and re-pack the contents back into the box. And yes, there is a problem looming - that’s right, the polystyrene packing. By now you have allowed for screwing with enough expanded plastic to make a half scale model of the Andes, and it will never go back in the box. Why they provide a 14 cubic metre box to hold an average sized portable radio I don’t know. Can you imagine a more pointless waste of space? At the piano we have Colin Sell.

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