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I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE
games compendium

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b

the bad tempered klavier
The aim of this round is to see how much of a song a team can sing when accompanied by a pianist who is not only tone deaf, but incompetent - and as Richard Clayderman is unavailable, here is Colin Sell.

bardeoke
It is a version of Karaoke from Tudor times where revellers made sport of the Green Man, the Queen’s Head, the King’s Arms, and anything else found lying in the street on the way to the pub. Bardeoke involved performing over Shakespearean hits of the day. This tradition is still kept alive by rugby players and financiers, but nowadays they tend to restrict themselves to playing over The Merry Wives of Windsor.

beat the clock
The original was hosted for many years by Bruce Forsythe, who delighted audiences with his many catchphrases - the most famous being What do you mean a wig? In the original version of Beat the Clock people had to complete a party game but against the clock, in this version people have to complete a party game but then different people have 30 seconds to guess what game they are playing.

bed time stories
A team has to tell a story occasionally signalling a sound technician to play a sound effect. Unfortunately the technician cannot hear the story being told so just plays any old sound effect. The team then has to work the sound effect heard into the story.

blankety blank
A word in a well-known phrase or saying is replaced by the word blank, and the teams have to provide a suitable replacement.

blatant lies
The teams suggest the most obviously untrue statements imaginable. The idea for this game arose recently when Barry told us his tailor said he has the body measurements of an Olympic athlete with the muscular structure of a 20 year old. Ludicrous! As if Barry Cryer has ever seen a tailor.

blind date
One panellist takes on the role of the questioner, the rest as the blind date candidates. The Chairman takes on Cilla’s rôle. It’s a lorra lorra fun.

blue peter
This round takes us back to the golden days of that perennial children’s favourite Blue Peter. Even that show has succumbed to the electronic age with children impressing presenters with their skill on a 3GHz computer. Whatever happened to those simpler days when two sixth formers could satisfy Val Singleton with a toilet roll tube? The teams are asked to show what they can make with just a few spare household items.

blurb
The Chairman asks one of the teams to describe a book, film, play, or TV show in the most amazing terms possible, from which the other team has to identify it.

board games
Who hasn’t looked at a Monopoly box lid, read 8 years plus, and thought well that is way too bloody long. The idea is that one team will play a favourite game of theirs after which the opposing team should attempt to guess the name of the game they’re playing.

boardo
Of all the board games one commonly hears played on the radio there is none that compares with the show’s very own compendium of fun, Boardo. The game is made up of all the good bits of all the other board games, in unpredictable ways.

boasting
The teams boast about some impressive aspect of their lives. According to his web site, guest David Mitchell has won the British Academy Television Award for Best Comedy Performance, Best Televesion Actor at the Comedy Awards, a Royal Television Award, a BAFTA for Best Situation Comedy, Best TV Comedy at the South Bank Show awards, and the Golden Rose of Montreoux, all in the last 4 years. Well between them the three regular team members have been in the business for nearly 130 years and no one has ever heard them going on about winning awards. The teams take the roles of guests at a party boasting about something, where each must try to outdo the preceding boaster.

book club
Panellists are asked to suggest titles for books that would be popular in a particular club.

book titles
The chairman asks for titles of books that might have been very different if one extra word had been included by mistake.

books
They say that no matter what the subject of a book is, you will always learn something about its author. So if you read anything by Katie Price, you’ll learn he is a 57 year old sub-editor called George. A lot of thought goes into the titles of books though. The teams are asked to suggest books that would have been very different if one letter had gone missing from the title.

break it gently
One team assume the roles of a famous pair, and the other team have to break a piece of news to them gently, with the first team trying to guess the news.

business mergers
First a warning about a local rip-off cash machine scam operated by notorious gangs, they’re called Lloyds, HSBC, and Barclays. The teams are asked to suggest new companies likely to result from the merger of two or more other companies.

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