As we know reviews can be brutally unkind, or in Barry’s case true. In this
round the Chairman presents the teams with a selection of genuine bad reviews and
their job is to correctly identify to what the review is referring.
the bad tempered
The aim of this round is to see how much of a song a team can sing when
accompanied by a pianist who is not only tone deaf, but incompetent - and
as Richard Clayderman is unavailable, here is Colin Sell.
It is a version of Karaoke from
Tudor times where revellers made sport of the Green Man, the Queen’s
Head, the King’s Arms, and anything else found lying in the street on the
way to the pub. Bardeoke involved performing over Shakespearean hits
of the day. This tradition is still kept alive by rugby players and financiers,
but nowadays they tend to restrict themselves to playing over The Merry
Wives of Windsor.
The original was hosted for many years by Bruce Forsythe, who
delighted audiences with his many catchphrases - the most famous being
What do you mean a wig? In the original version of Beat the Clock
people had to complete a party game but against the clock, in this version
people have to complete a party game but then different people have 30 seconds
to guess what game they are playing.
A team has to tell a story occasionally signalling a sound technician
to play a sound effect. Unfortunately the technician cannot hear the story
being told so just plays any old sound effect. The team then has to work the
sound effect heard into the story.
word in a well-known phrase or saying is replaced by the word blank,
and the teams have to provide a suitable replacement.
teams suggest the most obviously untrue statements imaginable. The idea for
this game arose recently when Barry told us his
tailor said he has the body measurements of an Olympic athlete with the
muscular structure of a 20 year old. Ludicrous! As if Barry Cryer has ever seen
panellist takes on the role of the questioner, the rest as the blind date
candidates. The Chairman takes on Cilla’s rôle. It’s a lorra
This round takes us back to the golden days of that perennial
children’s favourite Blue Peter. Even that show has succumbed to
the electronic age with children impressing presenters with their skill on a
3GHz computer. Whatever happened to those simpler days when two sixth formers
could satisfy Val Singleton with a toilet roll tube? The teams are asked to
show what they can make with just a few spare household items.
The Chairman asks one of the teams to describe a book, film, play, or
TV show in the most amazing terms possible, from which the other team has to
Who hasn’t looked at a Monopoly box lid, read 8 years plus, and thought well
that is way too bloody long. The idea is that one team will play a favourite
game of theirs after which the opposing team should attempt to guess the name of
the game they’re playing.
Of all the board games one
commonly hears played on the radio there is none that compares with the
show’s very own compendium of fun, Boardo. The game is made up of all the
good bits of all the other board games, in unpredictable ways.
The teams boast about some
impressive aspect of their lives. According to his web site, guest David
Mitchell has won the British Academy Television Award for Best Comedy
Performance, Best Televesion Actor at the Comedy Awards, a Royal
Television Award, a BAFTA for Best Situation Comedy, Best TV
Comedy at the South Bank Show awards, and the Golden Rose of
Montreoux, all in the last 4 years. Well between them the three regular
team members have been in the business for nearly 130 years and no one has ever
heard them going on about winning awards. The teams take the roles of guests at
a party boasting about something, where each must try to outdo the preceding
Panellists are asked to suggest titles for books that would be
popular in a particular club.
The chairman asks for titles of books that might have been very different if one extra
word had been included by mistake.
They say that no matter what the subject of a book is, you will
always learn something about its author. So if you read anything by Katie
Price, you’ll learn he is a 57 year old sub-editor called George. A lot
of thought goes into the titles of books though. The teams are asked to suggest
books that would have been very different if one letter had gone missing from
One team assume the roles of a famous pair, and the other team have
to break a piece of news to them gently, with the first team trying to guess
First a warning about a local
rip-off cash machine scam operated by notorious gangs, they’re called
Lloyds, HSBC, and Barclays. The teams are asked to suggest new companies likely
to result from the merger of two or more other companies.