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call my bluff
Each panellist gives a definition of an obscure word and is the job of the Chairman to guess which is the true meaning.

calypso/blues
Each team must improvise a Calypso or a Blues on a subject chosen by the opposing team. Songs sung have included The Mary Whitehouse Calypso, and The Bishop of Durham Blues.

car alarms
If it wasn’t for these marvellously sensitive devices we might otherwise occasionally oversleep past 4 in the morning. And cars aren’t alone with their audible alarms. Perhaps the best advance recently is in the field of burglar alarms which are now connected directly to the police, so the Duty Sergeant can now ignore them from the comfort of the local station. There is a new craze for actually collecting car alarms, and the teams are avid collectors and bring along some of their most treasured alarms, many with previous celebrity owners for the audience to enjoy.

casino
Only this spring the Chairman was out in the early morning when he spotted a group of young lambs gambolling together, and thought how marvellous they can afford the membership of Crockfords. Samantha is a part-time croupier there, she says There is nothing more satisfying than when happy guests shell out cash to play Black Jack all evening and Poker all night. She has borrowed some gambling equipment for the night for the teams to try out. The games are:

• Vingt-et-un.
• Roulette.
• Craps.

cat, glass, pudding
This round is based on very old children’s game, and luckily we have four very old children to play it. Its called Scissor, Paper, Stone, and one wonders if it can be turned into amusing radio? Well in a manner of speaking - no. But why break the habit of a lifetime now? The rules are quite simple, namely that cat breaks glass, glass spoils pudding, and pudding drowns cat - all completely logical.

catalogue shopping new!
This round looks at the pitfalls involving catalogue shopping. There is often the problem of gauging the correct size and colour from a photograph. For example the size 42 brown jersey that Barry is wearing, that was meant to be a 36 inch green rotary lawn mower. One team are the customers outlining their complaint to the other team who are the suppliers.

celebrity answerphones
This has nothing to do with answerphones that happen to celebrities in their own right. The teams are asked to suggest some messages that celebrities might leave on their telephone answering machines.

celebrity misquotes
The teams are asked to suggest quotations that certain people, famous and still with us or appearing in Blankety Blank, are most unlikely ever to have said.

celebrity what’s my line
The teams have to guess who a celebrity guest is. The guest first does a mime, after which the teams take it in turns to ask questions to try and work out who the guest is.

censored song
A team sings a song, and censors it as they sing by judicious use of their buzzer. Teams are asked to bear in mind that excessive use of the buzzer may drown out the piano accompaniment Colin Sell. If that doesn’t work they could try banging their shoes on the desk.

certain failures
The teams are asked to suggest titles of books, films, plays, TV programmes, etc. that would have proved sure-fire flops.

channel 4 children’s hour
The teams are asked to suggest new titles for racy children’s programmes suitable for a well known minority channel faced with privatisation. To help, they are asked to think of childhood innocence tinged with sinister corruption - think Andi Peters.

channel 5 children’s hour
One sector of the X-rated market that Channel 5 seem to have overlooked is Children’s Programming, and the teams are asked for suggestions of shows that might be scheduled during a Channel 5 Children’s Hour.

chas’n’ dave
This game is in tribute to that fine Cockney songster duo - Flannigan and Allen. Chas and Dave have over many years become as integral a part of our culture as cockles and mussels, bangers and mash, rhubarb and custard, and kaolin and morphine. The teams are asked to sing a well known song in the style of Chas and Dave, accompanied as ever by Colin Sell on the piano.

chat-up lines
The teams are asked to come up with suggestions for chat-up lines suitable for use by various groups of people. Groups that have had suggestions made for include Ecclesiastical, Anglers, Hospital, Gardeners, and Medical.

chat-up rejections
This round is about classic chat up lines and the likely turn-down responses they may elicit. One of Tim’s sure fire chat lines is Who’s your favourite Goodie? Luckily he does a fine impression of Jade. The teams are asked to suggest possible replies of rejections to various classic chat-up lines.

cheddar gorge
The game has a fascinating history. It became first popular under Hanoverian rule as Cheddar George, being the pet name given to George III by Charlotte de Mecklenberg when she found she’d married a King who was convinced he was a small portion of cheese. And so began a fine tradition of British Royal dottiness - Queen Victoria was a succulent purple plum, Louis of Battenberg a moist pink and yellow marzipan sponge cake, while our last King Edward was a small lumpy brown Nazi sympathiser.

This is just one of many games inspired by English place names. There is also Barrow-in-Furness which involves burning garden implements, Sellafield where the object is to try to flog off a plot of contaminated land, and of course not forgetting Broadstairs a game for people who are too fat to use the lift. There is also Redditch which is a competitive form of chicken-pox, Dimchurch which involves founding a new religion for stupid people, and the much loved Nuneaton where players compete to spot Sister Wendy coming out of a Spud-u-like.

There is also Biggleswade which involves crossing rivers as a fictional air ace, Cardigan Bay where players knit woollen garments for brown horses, and Burnham-on-Sea the hilarious game played in coastal crematoria. Not to mention Leamington Spa the game played only by fathers who have sons called Leamington, Winchelsea Harbour where the object is to try to win Chelsea Harbour, and of course there is the old favourite Littlehampton an intensely competitive game that requires a very cold day and a small ruler.

Cheddar Gorge is just one of many food-related place names with interesting stories. There is Spaghetti Junction - so called because in the Winter months, the council employs men to throw on a powder that makes the whole place smell of dried cat sick, and the Greek city of Marathon, which once lent its name to a popular chocolate bar, before the town reverted to its original ancient Macedonian name of Snickersopolis. And one also thinks of Steak Tartar which involves saying good-bye to a piece of Sirloin, Cottage Pie a geometry game played on Hampstead Heath, and the old favourite Bakewell Tart which is quite simply shouting instructions at Nigella Lawson.

One must also not forget Felixstowe - an East Anglian game that involves hiding cat food, Fishguard - a Welsh game where you have to pick a soldier out of a river, and we mustn’t forget County Down - the game inspired by a Chinese space launch.

There is also Helsinki, the Chinese game that involves shouting from a leaky boat, Paris Texas, which involves going to a DIY store on Eurostar, and a seasonal favourite is one called Santa Cruz, where the players dress up as Father Christmas and take a walk on Clapham Common.

Cheddar Gorge is also from the family of games that take their names from famous landmarks. In Edinburgh they play Arthur’s Seat - it’s like Musical Chairs except there’s no music and only one chair, which belongs to Arthur. In Devon they enjoy Westwood Hoe, a game that involves pointing garden tools at the setting sun. And in Leeds they play Yorkshire Dales which involves pretending to host Supermarket Sweep with their face coated in Cuprinol. There is alsoBrooklyn Bridge, a card game for toddlers whose parents give their children stupid names.

One should also not forget Table Mountain where the winner is the player who makes the highest pile of dining room furniture, Hoover Dam - a game that involves stubbing your toe on a vacuum cleaner, and St. Bernard Pass where players sit in a circle and take turns to unwrap a large dog. And there is Victoria Falls, which involves white water rafting on a sponge cake.

There is also Alaska Highway which is a bit like Songs of Praise but with more Eskimos, and we can never discount Amazon Basin where players have their hair cut like Henry V by tall muscular women.

There are also number of related games taking their names from famous locations around the world - many of them originating in the East. There is a game called New Delhi, which involves opening a sandwich shop, another is called Seychelles where the winner is the first to say the word shells , and there is even a game from Thailand called Bangkok which is too painful to describe in detail.

There is also Eiffel Tower which involves being poked in the eye with a souvenier of Paris. Then we have River Jordan, a delightful past-time based around dropping a waste of space off a bridge. And of course we most not forget Gobi Desert, a revolting game which involves spitting into a bowl of custard - hang on, that is Gobby Dessert.

Titles of games are taken from all manner of sources, and a recent trend towards using TV programmes. These include A Place in the Sun which involves buying a daily newspaper containing a fish, Waking the Dead which is an interesting look at the audience at a Phil Collins concert, and then there’s House Doctor which involves treating serious injuries sustained while playing Bingo.

The basic premise for this game and its variants is that each panellist says a single word at a time but must not complete a sentence. There are a few variations in the words they are allowed to say:

• All the words must start with the same letter.
• Each panellist must use a word given to them by the Chairman.
• Alphabetical Cheddar Gorge The players must construct a sentence using words in strict alphabetical order until they reach Z. If anyone can’t think of a word within the time limit he must go back to the letter A and start again without repeating any words already used.

The following games have the same origins as Cheddar Gorge:

• blind man’s buffalo mozzarella
• pasteurise the parcel
• musical churns

Cheddar Gorge is also often confused with Pinochet Gorge, where the object is to avoid starting a sentence.

children’s classics
Teams have to come up with children-friendly versions of some literary set texts, taking care to include some of their favourite characters.

christmas answers new!
Christmas is almost upon us, the presents are wrapped under the tree awaiting the grand children, and the buckets of water are by the upstairs window awaiting the carol singers. Actually, it is an interesting historical fact that there is no evidence at all that Christmas Day should be in December. Some historians believe it should be in the month of September, some support October or November, while Tescos goes for all of them. The teams are asked to provide answers to questions about Christmas.

christmas quiz
A general knowledge quiz with a Christmas theme, with the winner walking off with a star prize:

• Guaranteed to keep a cook amused in the run-up to Christmas - an Advent Colander.

christmas solutions
Yuletide is a time when families get together with all their relatives to exchange gifts. Humph always finds the children are always buying him presents that he does not really want to use - an electric toothbrush, an ill-fitting sweater, a cemetary plot,  The Chairman brings along a selection of listeners Christmas problems for the teams to provide solutions.

ciryl
A long forgotten game that involves singing the words of a given song but in reverse order. They call it Ciryl, because rather cleverly, this is lyric spelt backwards. The idea to revive this old classic came whilst the Chairman was walking through Finsbury Park, or as Ciryl players know it - Krapy Rubsnif!

clanger theatre
Inspired by the moon based antics of the Clangers. The Chairman has some classic excerpts from the stage and screen for the teams to re-enact. Actually Tim Brooke-Taylor might be at something of an advantage with this game, as he has toured recently in a production of Othello where everyone enjoyed his Casio. Who thought Desdemona’s death scene could be livened up with a cheap electric organ? One team member plays one of the roles as a human, while the other member plays the other role as a Clanger.

classic movie straplines
The twentieth century certainly produced some wonderful movies. One thinks of A Night to Remember, telling the tale of that fateful night aboard the SS Titanic as the mighty steam ship hit a … oh hang on, I musn’t ruin in by giving the end away. As sought after actors go, Tony Hawks will be at something of an advantage in this round as it was surprising to learn that Tony recently instructed his agent to turn down Casino Royale, but his agent threw him the remote and told him to turn it down himself. The panellists are asked to complete various film taglines.

coals to newcastle
Panellists have to suggest sayings associated with place names, either in this country or abroad, together with their meanings.

commentaries
Panellists are asked to give a commentary on some event in history in a style selected by the Chairman.

complete bastards
The chairman has brought along a selection of unfinished quotations from some the world’s most unpleasant human beings such as Adolf Hitler, Bernito Mussolini, and Richard Branson - hang on Branson doesn’t deserve to be included with Hitler and Mussolini, they managed to get their trains to run on time. The panellists are asked to complete the quotations.

complete crackers
In this game the teams attempt to provide punch lines to terrible jokes, just like they do in all the others.

complete dubya quotes
George W. Bush is the elected leader of the world’s only super power, controller of the world’s most influential economic infrastructure, and supreme commander of the largest nuclear-weapons equipped military force on the planet. You couldn’t make it up could you? But then, according to a Gallup poll 3.7 million of the American electorate believe they have been abducted and interrogated by Aliens. Presumably with the question What were you thinking? The chairman brings along a selection of incomplete quotations from speeches made by President Bush which the panelists are asked to finish off.

complete greetings cards
There are greetings cards available for many diverse occasions such as Mother’s Day, when sending your mother a cute picture of three kittens in a Wellington boot on a bit of folded cardboard is deemed sufficient thanks for her going through excruciating pain of childbirth.

In this round the teams will attempt to guess the endings to some lines taken from genuine greetings cards.

complete jokes
The Chairman presents the teams with the first part of his favourite old jokes, and asks them to try to remember the punch lines.

complete openings
The teams are no strangers to the world of books. After 7 years hard graft Graeme Garden has just finished his first novel - then he always was a slow reader. And an unauthorised biography of Barry Cryer is soon to be published, titled Barry Cryer: His Life Was a Joke, it relates the roller coaster of success, fame, and fortune enjoyed by the many people he’s heard of.

In this round the Chairman brings along the first parts of some famous openings to a range of books, novels, and autobiographies, that the teams are asked to complete.

complete quotes/closed quotes
The popularity of the well-turned phrase that’s wittily delivered never seems to diminish. Who for example can forget the great Oscar Wilde’s memorable outburst “I have nothing to declare but a bottle of vodka and 200 cigarettes.” In this round the teams hear a series of famous personalities unfortunately stopped in mid-sentence which the they then have to finish off. Points are deducted for correct answers.

The game of Complete Quotes should not be confused with the game about builders estimates - that’s Incomplete Quotes.

complete slogans
The chairman is quite an aficionado of TV commercials, and particularly used to enjoy that one featuring those monkeys dressed in human clothes, the ones who used to advertise Kwik-Fit. The chairman reads out various incomplete advertising slogans, from past and present, and to test the teams advertising knowledge they are asked to provide the missing endings.

complete song lyrics
The Chairman reads out the first lines of well known songs for the panellists to complete.

connections
In this round the teams have to guess what might link various disparate persons, items, or facts. So for example, if they were asked What might link Osama Bin Laden and Noel Edmonds? then the obvious answer is that they both disappeared without trace.

conveyor belt
Based on the Generation Game. The teams will watch a selection of items on a conveyor belt which they should attempt to remember later. Thus will be created all the excitement of an airport baggage reclaim. After the items have passed by the teams will have 60 seconds to recall as many as possible.

corner shop
The panellists list things they can buy at various types of corner shop.

cost cutters
The teams are asked to suggest new titles for BBC TV programmes resulting from swingeing budget cuts.

countdown
Based on the Channel 4 show of the same name, but hard to match up to the feverish pace of the original.

cow, lake, bomb
A variation on the ancient playground game of Paper, Scissors, Stone where two players hold out a hand in one of three shapes; the premise being that paper wraps stone, stone blunts scissors, and scissors cuts paper. This is a grown up version of the game that follows the same principles as the original game but is specially adapted for the wireless. Each team is furnished with several sound effects including a cow, a lake, and a bomb. After the chairman counts to three, each team plays in one of the effects and he announces the winner. The rules are fairly self explanatory - obviously cow drinks lake, lake extinguishes bomb, and bomb blows up cow.

critics forum and against em
Each team has to review a show and has to reverse their opinions each time the other team press their buzzer.

cross breeding
The panellists are asked to come up with suggestions for new hybrid creatures.

cryptic proverbs
Down the years proverbs have provided an essential life code, but today many leave something to be desired. For example whilst it is still true you can’t make a silk purse out of a pig’s ear, there is certainly nothing to stop you making a pork pie. And while we are on the subject, it’s not the broth but the TV schedule that is spoilt by too many cooks. Instead of the full proverb all the panelists get to go on are the first letter of each word and they have to say what the actual saying is from the letters alone.

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