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games compendium

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handy hints
The handy hints spot where the teams attempt to answer household problems submitted by listeners.

hard sell
This round is all about devising new adverts. Even the most unlikely products need selling and creating sales campaigns for these can be quite a challenge. We are all remember the Calamine Lotion aimed at sufferers of embarrassing rashes which encouraged sales with the slogan Kiss good-bye to sore bottoms! The teams are asked to devise adverts for un-sellable things.

help lines
Just this week the Chairman bought a CD of the electric organ version of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons but it did not work so he rang the help line. And guess what? They played him a quarter of an hour of it for only £1.50 a minute - what a fine service that was. The teams recreate the help line experience, with one team being dissatisfied customers while the other team man the phones at a mobile phone company and whose job it is to explain why they are not entitled to a refund.

heston services
This is where the teams imagine that celebrity chef Heston Blumenthal actually runs the motorway services that share his name. the teams researched this by stopping off at a service area on the way here where Barry Cryer was offered AA membership in the car park. Barry explained he doesn’t drive, and they explained they weren’t a motoring organisation. The teams are asked to suggest what transport based cuisine is on the menu at a motorway service station run by Heston Blumenthal.

hidden dangers
Moving on to our regular public information section on Health and Safety, a subject we all take very seriously. Only this week we heard about the effects of the smoking ban in Scotland. Drinkers in Scotland wanting a cigarette now have to step outside to a miserable cold damp environment, knee deep in fag ends and litter - the North of England. In the interest of spotting hidden dangers one team pose as proposing apparently harmless ideas, while the other team are safety advisers spotting the potential Health and Safety hazards.

historical answerphones
In this round the teams imagine what messages might have been left on the answerphone machines of various characters from history. (Also know as Historical Voicemail)

historical events
The chairman asks the teams for their suggestions of how certain historical events would have sounded if they had been reported inaccurately or misheard in some way.

historical headlines
The Chairman picks a significant moment in history and asks the panellists to offer up newspaper headlines in the style of various English national and regional newspapers.

Historical Headlines should not to be confused with the similarly sounding game Historical Headlicein which the teams were presented with four specimens of parasitic insect and they had to place them in the correct order of succession to the Hapsburg throne.

The game should also not be confused with Historical Nedlines, where players listen to a lengthy series of show-biz anecdotes from Ned Sherrin, the winner being the first to spot a living heterosexual!

historical horoscopes
Tim was born under the sign of Libra (the scales), Andy Leo (the lion), and Graeme Pisces (the fishes), while Barry is on the cusp - his daily life being ruled alternately by the signs of the Goat, the Bull, the White Hart, the Green Man, and the Royal Oak.

To prove the value of the horoscope as a prediction tool the teams are asked to share some they have unearthed from history to compare how accurately they forecast the lives of well known individuals.

historical postcards
The teams are asked come up with postcard messages likely to have been sent by famous historical figures from a certain holiday destination.

historical quotations
The panellists are asked for quotations from historical figures, who on certain occasions seriously misjudged the course of subsequent events. This is going to be one of the most entertaining games we have ever played - Humphrey Lyttelton, November 2007.

history changing questions
Questions that were never asked, but if they had been they might have changed the course of history.

A member of one team is a car driver who picks up the opposing team who are hitch-hikers with a secret. The driver has to guess their secret.

hitler’s diary
This game is inspired by the Sunday Times attempt to publish the spurious Hitler Diaries. Each team should take turns to read extracts from the private diaries of famous people either still living or appearing on That’s Show Business. The opposing team should buzz if they hear anything that they think might indicate the diary to be a fake.

Hitler’s Diary should not be confused with the old parlour game Hitler’s Dairy in which players try to increase their sales of Gold Top by annexing the Sudetenland.

hold your breath
If it is top line entertainment you are after, then don’t. At the count of 3 the teams will take a deep breath to see you can hold it the longest.

honours list
This game does exactly what it says on the tin - may cause drowsiness. The teams have been perusing the new honours list and the Chairman asks them to share any interesting new members of the nobility that they may have spotted.

hopeless new!
Recent years have seen a new teatime tradition on British telly as viewers gather round daily to enjoy a fantastic innovative game show presided over by a charismatic host who combines wit and lightly worn erudition with sharp suits and a winning twinkle. We all love Bradley Walsh.

This round is based on what you see if you accidentally switched over to BBC 1. This is a very similar game to Pointless, it is just more up to date and relevant to life in Britain today. 100 people in Britain were given 60 seconds to name things they feel hopeful about. What the teams have to do is give an answer none of those people gave.

how wrong can you get?
This was suggested by the BBC long term planning unit set up by Greg Dyke. With misplaced optimism very much in mind, the teams are asked to suggest examples of remarks made by famous people from the dawn of civilisation onwards which seriously misjudged the course of history.

human voice box
It is all about sound effects. The radio sound effect has the power to create a Theatre of the Mind, conjuring vivid mental pictures. For example, if the listeners hear an owl hoot they know it is a tranquil night scene. Either that or an impatient owl driving a car. If they hear Quack quack quack quack they know it’s Johnathon Ross describing his crazy paving.

BBC sound effects aren’t always what they seem - the noise of a film projector is actually an old sewing machine, the sound of the sea lapping against the shore is made by rolling ball bearings on a tin tray, and when we hear what sounds like a bath being filled it’s actually Barry Cryer pouring out his lunch.

As the show is going through a cost cutting exercise, the teams have to produce sound effects vocally. One team will tell a story for which the other team has to supply appropriate noises to suit whatever is mentioned in the story. Anyone failing to supply an appropriate sound effect will have a point deducted.

hunt the ring
This is a game played when the Chairman was a child, when a senior member of his family would remove a ring from his or her finger (he was never that sure about Great Uncle Alice.) The ring was then threaded on to a piece of string which was tied to form a loop. As the excitement and tension mounted even further the string, complete with ring attached remember, would be handed to the children. They would then secretly pass the ring between us while the senior relatives counted silently to 100 with eyes closed. The object was then to guess which player was concealing the ring with their hand, or if there was only one player then which hand. Although, in all honesty, that was never much of a challenge with cousin Nelson.

hunt the slipper
The Chairman sits with his eyes closed while the slipper is passed around behind the teams backs. After a few seconds slipper passing, he calls out “Slipper search on” and then he will open his eyes. Obviously he has no idea where the slipper is with while the teams should keep passing the slipper around secretly, and he will have to guess who has the slipper and challenge them by pointing and calling out “Slipper holder.” If he guesses correctly then the slipper holder must declare “Yes, slipper holder”.

Hunt the Slipper is occasionally confused with the similarly named game Hump the Stripper.

The Chairman asks the teams to provide a description of a particular TV or radio show in the most exciting terms possible. Shows hyped include Down Your Way, and the Test Card.

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