The handy hints spot where the teams attempt to answer household
problems submitted by listeners.
This round is all about devising new adverts. Even the most unlikely
products need selling and creating sales campaigns for these can be quite a
challenge. We are all remember the Calamine Lotion aimed at sufferers of
embarrassing rashes which encouraged sales with the slogan Kiss good-bye to
sore bottoms! The teams are asked to devise adverts for un-sellable
Just this week the Chairman bought a CD of the electric organ version
of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons but it did not work so he rang the
help line. And guess what? They played him a quarter of an hour of it for only
£1.50 a minute - what a fine service that was. The teams recreate
the help line experience, with one team being dissatisfied customers while the
other team man the phones at a mobile phone company and whose job it is to
explain why they are not entitled to a refund.
This is where the teams imagine
that celebrity chef Heston Blumenthal actually runs the motorway services that
share his name. the teams researched this by stopping off at a service area on
the way here where Barry Cryer was offered AA membership in the car park. Barry
explained he doesn’t drive, and they explained they weren’t a
motoring organisation. The teams are asked to suggest what transport based
cuisine is on the menu at a motorway service station run by Heston
Moving on to our regular public information section on Health and
Safety, a subject we all take very seriously. Only this week we heard about the
effects of the smoking ban in Scotland. Drinkers in Scotland wanting a
cigarette now have to step outside to a miserable cold damp environment, knee
deep in fag ends and litter - the North of England. In the interest of
spotting hidden dangers one team pose as proposing apparently harmless ideas,
while the other team are safety advisers spotting the potential Health and
In this round the teams imagine what messages might have been left on
the answerphone machines of various characters from history. (Also know as
The chairman asks the teams for their suggestions of how certain historical
events would have sounded if they had been reported inaccurately or misheard in
The Chairman picks a significant moment in history and asks the
panellists to offer up newspaper headlines in the style of various English
national and regional newspapers.
should not to be confused with the similarly sounding game Historical
Headlicein which the teams were presented with four specimens of parasitic
insect and they had to place them in the correct order of succession to the
should also not be confused with Historical Nedlines, where players
listen to a lengthy series of show-biz anecdotes from Ned Sherrin, the winner
being the first to spot a living heterosexual!
Tim was born under the sign of Libra
(the scales), Andy Leo (the lion), and
Graeme Pisces (the fishes), while
Barry is on the cusp - his daily life
being ruled alternately by the signs of the Goat, the Bull, the White Hart, the
Green Man, and the Royal Oak.
the value of the horoscope as a prediction tool the teams are asked to share
some they have unearthed from history to compare how accurately they forecast
the lives of well known individuals.
The teams are asked come up with postcard messages likely to have
been sent by famous historical figures from a certain holiday
The panellists are asked for quotations from historical figures, who
on certain occasions seriously misjudged the course of subsequent events. This
is going to be one of the most entertaining games we have ever played -
Humphrey Lyttelton, November 2007.
Questions that were never asked, but if they had been they might have
changed the course of history.
A member of one team is a car
driver who picks up the opposing team who are hitch-hikers with a secret. The
driver has to guess their secret.
This game is inspired by the Sunday Times attempt to publish the
spurious Hitler Diaries. Each team should take turns to read extracts
from the private diaries of famous people either still living or appearing on
That’s Show Business. The opposing team should buzz if they hear
anything that they think might indicate the diary to be a fake.
should not be confused with the old parlour game Hitler’s Dairy
in which players try to increase their sales of Gold Top by annexing the
hold your breath
If it is top line entertainment you are after, then don’t. At the count of 3 the teams will take a deep breath to see you can hold it the longest.
This game does exactly what it says on the tin - may cause
drowsiness. The teams have been perusing the new honours list and the Chairman
asks them to share any interesting new members of the nobility that they may
how wrong can you
This was suggested by the BBC long term planning unit set up by Greg
Dyke. With misplaced optimism very much in mind, the teams are asked to suggest
examples of remarks made by famous people from the dawn of civilisation onwards
which seriously misjudged the course of history.
is all about sound effects. The radio sound effect has the power to create a
Theatre of the Mind, conjuring vivid mental pictures. For example, if
the listeners hear an owl hoot they know it is a tranquil night scene. Either
that or an impatient owl driving a car. If they hear Quack quack quack quack
they know it’s Johnathon Ross describing his crazy paving.
effects aren’t always what they seem - the noise of a film projector
is actually an old sewing machine, the sound of the sea lapping against the
shore is made by rolling ball bearings on a tin tray, and when we hear what
sounds like a bath being filled it’s actually Barry Cryer pouring out his lunch.
As the show
is going through a cost cutting exercise, the teams have to produce sound
effects vocally. One team will tell a story for which the other team has to
supply appropriate noises to suit whatever is mentioned in the story. Anyone
failing to supply an appropriate sound effect will have a point
This is a game played when the Chairman was a child, when a senior
member of his family would remove a ring from his or her finger (he was never
that sure about Great Uncle Alice.) The ring was then threaded on to a piece of
string which was tied to form a loop. As the excitement and tension mounted
even further the string, complete with ring attached remember, would be handed
to the children. They would then secretly pass the ring between us while the
senior relatives counted silently to 100 with eyes closed. The object was then
to guess which player was concealing the ring with their hand, or if there was
only one player then which hand. Although, in all honesty, that was never much
of a challenge with cousin Nelson.
The Chairman sits with his eyes closed while the slipper is passed
around behind the teams backs. After a few seconds slipper passing, he calls
out “Slipper search on” and then he will open his eyes. Obviously
he has no idea where the slipper is with while the teams should keep passing
the slipper around secretly, and he will have to guess who has the slipper and
challenge them by pointing and calling out “Slipper holder.” If he
guesses correctly then the slipper holder must declare “Yes, slipper
Hunt the Slipper is
occasionally confused with the similarly named game Hump the
The Chairman asks the teams to provide a description of a particular
TV or radio show in the most exciting terms possible. Shows hyped include
Down Your Way, and the Test Card.