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games compendium

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i hear
This is a brand new game devised by our very own Tim Brooke-Taylor. It is based on that old favourite I Spy, the game that entertained children on long car journeys in between bouts of motion induced projectile vomiting, and flicking V-signs at lorry drivers. Nowadays we are in the age of technology and children all have headphones and tablets to keep them quiet. The Chairman always used to find sleeping tablets worked best but try telling parents that these days. Tim’s version of the game has been adapted for radio and is called I Hear. Each player must take it in turn to say “I hear with my little ear something beginning with …“ and then give the first letter of the thing that he or she has heard and the other panellists must guess what it is.

i spy
TBC - Editor

i went to market
A favourite memory game. Each player must say “I went to market and I bought …”” then name an item. The next player then must repeat that item and add one of their own, and so on.

i’m a celebrity, let me in
This game is just like I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here but with the neat reversal of being about celebrities. I understand that these types of programme are what are known as in the business as Reality TV. Well, if being trapped in a tropical swamp with Antony Worral Thompson and Christine Hamilton is reality then I say pass the mind altering drugs. The leading player in the genre is of course Big Brother, the show that took its name from Orwell’s book 1984. Orwell went on to write the Road to Wigan Pier, but only achieved his greatest acclaim after teaming up in a double act with Keith Harris.

In our reality show, team A will be themselves and they will advertise for celebrities to share their flat. Team B will pretend to be celebrities while the other team interviews them to assess their suitability.

i’m sorry i haven’t a chance premium rate phone quiz
Glancing through the TV listings magazine the other day the chairman was pleased to notice a late night programme called ITV Play, anticipating a cultural experience with an hour or two of Pinter or Ayckbourn. You can imagine his surprise on tuning in to find a pair of chavs asking him to phone up to guess how many sides there are on a triangle.

And now the BBC are at it. Well as a long term supporter of public service broadcasting the chairman will tell them where they can stick their ill gained profits - straight in his top pocket - as soon as this week’s I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Chance Premium Rate Phone Quiz is finished.

The chairman has a selection of easy questions that he will ask members of the public to phone in and answer. Each call will cost no more than 10p unless you are using a land-line or a mobile, in which case call it a fiver. As this form of competition can become a problem for anyone prone to addiction, such as the gullible and greedy who stand to loose thousands each day, they have limited the number of calls that can be made by everyone else.

ill advised introductions
In this round the teams suggest opening lines, which if addressed to a certain well-known individual or organisation, would be guaranteed to end all future dialogue.

A brand new quiz game in which each panellist is asked a question in turn, and they must come up with a completely implausible answer. Other contestants may challenge and try to show the answer could in fact be plausible. If the challenge fails the original player goes forward into the Blue Zone and the challenger returns to the Contenders Grotto. If it succeeds the challenger moves to the Red Step for a double and play continues in reverse. It really is as simple as that.

in my pants
This game combines the philosophical complexity of Schrödinger’s cat with the intellectual rigour of Immanuel Kant’s concept of being. The teams task is to suggest song titles, while the Chairman’s task is to simply say the phrase “in my pants” immediately after each title without raising a smile, shouldn’t be too challenging. In the unlikely event that the teams are able to raise a titter from the Chair Samantha will be awarding points.

in their own words
The chairman brings along a selection of magazine interviews with certain famous people which have short sections missing. The teams task is to use their skill and judgement to determine what the original words might have been.

As a matter of fact, Tim Brooke-Taylor has recently been featured in a lot of interviews following the publication of his latest book. Called A Brief History of Tim, it takes us from the creation of the Universe, through the development of an ever expanding and yet paradoxically infinite cosmos, right up to the present with Tim’s appearance in panto at Bournemouth this year.

Also known as A Day in the Life.

inadvisable openings
The teams suggest various literary openings which were rejected as unsuitable.

incomplete christmas cards
The Chairman tends to not go overboard during the festive season, but his wife loves it and is always very generous with her Christmas gifts. Last year he asked for a cheese plant and now he is the proud owner of the Lymeswold Creamery. Colin Sell was telling us he has already received a total of 4 Christmas cards and he is very much hoping he might get another one this year.

In this round the Chairman reads out some incomplete verses taken from genuine Christmas cards and the teams are asked to guess how the original verse might have been completed.

incomplete food
The round is all about food and involves the teams suggesting certain dishes. They are asked for suggestions of what certain meals or items of food might be like if one letter had gone missing.

incomplete idioms
This is an educational round looking at catchphrases and figures of speech, often referred to as idioms. An idiom is a metaphorical figure of speech whose real meaning is completely different from its literal meaning. This can confuse foreign visitors creating huge difficulty making themselves understood. Another good way is to pretend to be deaf. The chairman has selection of incomplete catchphrases and figures of speech, and the teams challenge is to guess what the original endings might have been.

incomplete newspaper headlines
The chairman has an ancient copy of the Times from when David Lloyd George was still the Prime Minister, fewer than 2% of households had a telephone, antibiotics had yet to be discovered, and Britain ruled the mightiest Empire the world had ever seen. Doesn’t that seem incredible now - a liberal Prime Minister. Also King George V was still on the throne after 11 years following his state visit to India. The chairman has brought along some incomplete newspaper cuttings from the very day he was born for the teams to finish off. The chairman was born on Monday May 23 1921, Ireland was given independence, and Mongolia declared war on China. The gestures were appreciated, but everyone else just sent a card, or perhaps a shawl.

incomplete nursery rhymes
There really aren’t enough shows that can involve parents and their kids anymore. Probably the greatest of all was Ask The Family hosted by the marvellous Robert Robinson with his famous catch phrase “Here’s a tricky question for father and eldest daughter only …” Hang on, that’s an Austrian High Court judge. The Chairman has some children’s playground rhymes which are incomplete and the teams task is to guess what the endings might be.

incomplete promotional slogans
This round looks at the world of advertising slogans that can make or break a product. I’m sure we all remember those Opal Fruits sweets that were “made to make your mouth water”, and very moreish they were. I read of someone who got addicted to them so badly a 20 packet a day habit eventually killed him - he drowned. The chairman has a selection of incomplete promotional slogans for the teams to finish off.

incomplete sentences
This round is based on an original idea by the Home Secretary. The teams are presented with the first part of sayings and statements by some supposedly clever people who got it wrong. The teams task is to try to complete them.

initial response
The players must answer questions with words beginning only with their initials. Traditionally of course we were all named according to the day on which we were born. So for example if you were born on St. Cuthbert’s Day you would be given his name, which has been a source of constant irritation to Cuthbert Garden, Graeme’s daughter. Although not as much as to her younger brother Pancake Tuesday Garden.

The Chairman gives the panellists a set of initials for the panellists to explain what they stand for. Points are deducted for correct answers.

Panellists are asked for new ideas for inclusion in the catalogue.

internet reviews
In this round the teams are presented with a selection of genuine internet reviews, and their job is to correctly identify to what the review is referring.

This round is a tribute to those that work tirelessly inventing things, such as the South Yorkshire Police force. Inventions are often reflections of who they were conceived by, so it is sometimes said that a telephone rings because it was invented by Alexander Graham Bell, what a shame it wasn’t invented by Donald Trump. In this round the teams have each come along with a mystery invention and the object of the game is for the inventors to discover what their invention is from the questions put to them by journalists at a press conference.

The teams are asked for suitable wordings for invitation cards of certain well known individuals and organisations.

it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that ’ing new!
The smallest change in a title can mean the difference between success and failure. The Chairman would like the teams to add the letters I-N-G to the end of a well known book, film, or TV show title to completely change the viewer’s expectations.

it’s a 4-part singing relay knockout competition game sans frontier
The challenge is for the four players to sing a song taking one word each at a time. Players will be eliminated according to their level of incompetence until only the winner is left, and this shouldn’t take too long. Piano accompaniment will be provided by Colin Sell. Listeners may be impressed to learn that Colin has recently been doing arrangements for the Barber of Seville, it is reckoned to be one of the neatest displays of condoms ever.

italian radio times
The teams have to suggest what programmes might be listed in a special Italian edition of the Radio Times.

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