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I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE
games compendium

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t

tag wrestling
Each team is given a punch line of a story. One team starts telling a story with the aim of finishing with their punch line. When the Chairman blows his horn the other team picks up the story and adapts it towards their punch line. This continues until one team manages to deliver their punch line.

talking turkey
The Chairman asks general knowledge questions on the sayings and folk wisdom of that country, giving the first part for the panellists to complete.

tell an amusing joke
The teams are asked to tell a few amusing jokes. The Chairman provides each player with a suitable subject. The first panellist will start, but when the Chairman blows his horn the next should take over but cleverly twisting the joke to suit his allocated subject, and so on. The winner is the first to reach their punch line.

the dragons’ then
This round is based on the TV show called The Dragons’ Den where entrepeneurs who believe they have a viable business idea but who lack funding and advice pitch their concept to a panel of successful multi-millionaires. The format originated in Japan where it is called Tiger Of Money, a pun based on the name of one their most famous World War II Generals. There’s a concept to be admired, honouring your favourite war criminals by naming light entertainment shows after them. But they are not alone that daytime show about buying houses at auction was originally a German format called Homes Under the Himmler with the auctioneer’s popular catchphrase “Göring, Göring, gone.” In this round the only difference from the original is that this version is set in the past.

the today programme
One team is asked to be the Today Programme’s presenters interviewing the other team who are two expert guests.

theatrical drama
As something of a student of theatrical art the chairman has been recently examining the various theories of who really wrote Shakespeare’s plays. Conspiracy theorists point out that there is no mention of Shakespeare’s writings in his will which bequeathed to Anne Hathaway only his bed on his death. Whereas in fact neighbours in Stratford said they distinctly heard him give her the complete works some time before. The teams are provided a selection of sound effects to colour their dramatic piece as they see fit.

things that have never been said
A round the chairman has been looking forward too all week, it is very funny, he hopes it never ends - sorry teams, he started without you. The teams are asked for suggestions of statements that have never been made and are never likely to be.

through the keyhole
TBC - Editor.

toff’s radio times
Samantha as been doing some domestic work for a local family of aristocrats who have provided lodgings at the village pub. Samantha says she finds the work exhausting and always looks forward to putting her legs up around the Duke’s Head of an evening. The teams are asked for suggestions of programmes that might be listed in an edition of the Radio Times aimed at the posh, the rich, and the aristocracy.

too many cooks
The panellists have to suggest programmes with food in the title likely to appeal to commissioning editors.

topical garden tips
This is a tribute to Gardeners Question Time. It recently marked 65 years on air with an audience of invited celebrities. Barry Cryer went along but they said it was for invited celebrities. In this weeks Jack’s Topical Garden Tips he demonstrates the art of topiary. He will start pruning and there is a bonus point for the first panellist who can tell him what it is he is shaping.

tossing the penny
This was a firm East Anglian favourite in the 18th Century and according to the government census of 1781, the county of Essex is recorded as having more world class tossers than anywhere else in the kingdom. In Tossing the Penny, pennies, known as toss pennies, are cast at a hole, known as the toss penny hole, drilled in a chair, known as the chair with a hole in it. The falling pennies are caught in a receptacle placed beneath the chair, known as the toss pot. The game is best played with suitably heavy Victorian pennies which the teams take from special sealed containers where they have lain undisturbed for years, known as their wallets. The first team to get rid of all their coins are the winners, and toss their coins alternately.

tour guides
Panellists are asked to give a tour of famous UK landmarks to groups of foreigners.

trail of the lonesome pun
A poor choice of title can spell doom for any creative project. Witness the very poor take-up among psychoanalysts of Sigmund Freud’s first published paper on the Oedipus complex You Ain’t Half Hot Mum. The people whose job it is to come up with ideas for radio and TV shows can be remarkably lazy with their programme titles so the teams are asked to share examples of programmes where the content has been contrived to suit what someone thought would make a clever title.

translations
The Chairman gives the panellists a foreign word or phrase for them to translate.

trivial hirsute
Looking for interesting ideas for presents to enjoy at home with the family, this is an exciting new board game which test its players to the limits with interesting general knowledge questions about hair. Everyone starts by placing their counters on the first square, except for Graeme who under the circumstances is allowed a head start.

trivial pursuit
TBC - Editor.

troubled times
We launch ourselves into a new series in troubled times. Such is the poor state of out economy, swingeing cutbacks and redundancies are even hitting employment numbers in broadcasting. Jobs deemed no longer necessary include the You and Yours Awards speech writer, Dale Winton’s Ronseal artist, and Chris Tarrant’s entire team of sincerity wranglers. With programs thus pared to the bone the chairman asks the teams for cut price versions of popular films or shows for TV or radio which may be made under such constraints.

tv seasons
This round is inspired by those themed Channel 4 seasons that tackled taboo subjects. Explicit programmes have recently included drug abuse, weird culty religions and non-stop kinky sex - and that was just one episode of Brookside. The teams are asked to come up with suggestions for titles of challenging films and other programmes likely to fill a late night Channel 4 season on a theme given by the Chairman.

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