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I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T A CLUE
games compendium

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waltzing colin
The panellists sing some well known songs in Waltz time.

warning signs
With insurance claims and safety measures in mind, the teams are asked to share any warning signs they may have spotted recently.

we wish you a merry cliffness
A festive version of One Song to the Tune of Another. The Chairman selects a collection of seasonal tunes, recorded by the great man himself, to be played by the traditional rules.

welsh proverbs
The Chairman reads out the opening lines of a series of proverbs translated from the mediaeval Welsh for the teams to complete.

welsh quote unquote
This is similar to the English version but with the vowels taken out. There is a long history of the English maligning the Welsh in prose and verse. This atrocious piece of writing dates from the 18th century

Taffy was a Welshman, Taffy was a thief;
Taffy came to my house, and stole a piece of beef.

That really is indefensible, I have a good mind to rewrite it - whose got my pen? Rob, have you got my pen? The teams are asked to complete some quotations from Welsh celebrities.

what’s the connection?
The Chairman makes random selections from his bumper book of lists, and the teams have to guess what the people or items might have in common.

what’s the problem? new!
This round deals with life’s great questions. For example if you work at Holland & Barret how do you call in sick? In this round the Chairman supplies the answers to a number of everyday problems posed by readers, and the teams task is to guess what the original question might have been.

what’s the question?
Based on Channel 4’s 15-to-1 quiz show. Here the Chairman provides the correct answer to a selection of fascinating general knowledge questions which the panellists have to guess.

What’s the Question? is occasionally confused with the amusing party game played by French Philosophers, What is A Question? French Philosophers are fun people very fond of party games. Favourites include I Spy Therefore I Am, Deconstruct the Parcel, and Pin the Tail on the Externalised Image of the Long-eared Quadruped.

what is time mr. wolf?
The game is based on the old favourite What’s the Time Mr. Wolf , a simple and entertaining pleasure in which young children are threatened with being eaten by a large predatory canine wearing a wristwatch. This is a dumbed up version of the game in which the teams will ask questions on the very nature of Time itself. The Wolf in our game is none other than the eminent Professor of bioengineering Heinz Wolff.

what’s your game?
This game will be of interest to listeners with young children. Incidentally, the chairman was discussing the smacking debate with the teams earlier - he remembers nanny repeatedly pulling his trousers down to give him a good smack on the bottom, and it never did him any harm. Although it did make him late getting getting to the show that afternoon. In this game, one team plays a game of their own invention while the other team attempts to guess what it is called.

where am i?
In this round each team has to magically transport the Chairman to a mystery location by the use of mere sound affects alone.

where’s the gents?
The Chairman asks where are the gents?

who am i?
A post-it note is attached to each panellist’s forehead with the name of a certain famous person written on it. Each panellist can ask up to a maximum of 20 yes/no type questions to find out who they are. Next time they will try the other version with the names written on the outside.

who wants to be in finisterre?
Based on ITV’s Who Wants to be a Millionaire show. Panellists are asked questions about the shipping forecast.

whose dustbin?
The chairman has especially commissioned a team of researchers to take the dustbins from outside of the home of certain celebrities or organisations. The object of the game is to identify the bin’s owner by careful examination of its contents. Actually, Tim Brooke-Taylor may be at something of an advantage here as he spent some time working for Reading council as a dustman researching his next role - as a dustman for Reading council.

the wilhelm scream new!
This round is based on the most famous scream in cinema history. It is named after the character Private Wilhelm who gets shot by an arrow in a 1953 Western called the Charge at Feather Rock, and has been featured in over 225 films and TV episodes. The second most famous scream in cinema history is called the Revels scream, it is named after anyone pays £9.50 for a bag of Revels at a cinema. In this round it is the job of the teams to present the Chairman with statements that are bound to met with the Wilhelm scream. If the Chairman agrees he plays it in.

word for word
One team member starts by uttering a word drawn from a selection limited only by his imagination. His team mate should then say a word completely unconnected with the one before. The opposing team may challenge if they notice a connection.

work appraisals
This round is about disasters in the work place. A bad decision can ruin a business, for example local knowledge is vital - that is why Richard Branson’s wedding shop, Virgin Brides, didn’t work in Sheffield. This is an improvised round in which one team are the bosses and the other team are members of staff in for an appraisal following a series of unfortunate incidents at work for which they appear to be responsible. As the bosses list these various cock ups and disasters the staff members should attempt to justify themselves, and the round ends when either staff member takes responsibility or when the bosses accept the staff's explanation.

worst sellers
There is nothing worse than badly written English to make Humphrey’s goat boil. The teams are asked for suggestions for book titles that fail to hit the mark.

worst things to hear
It’s all about those little phrases you might inadvertently overhear and immediately wish you hadn’t. One that instantly that springs to mind is And now an extended edition of You and Yours.

wuthering hillocks
The teams are asked to suggest low budget remakes of popular books and films.

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